I thought I’d while away the time we’re on hiatus by posting my scripts, along with Hugh’s rough art. Since there’s 22 pages and only(ha) 16 weeks between now and January, We’ll probably skip a few pages where the commentary isn’t all that interesting.

I think for this page, Hugh’s art is based on an earlier script I can’t find. The final version was actually drafted to incorporate notes we got back from various beta readers on the earlier script and some of the rough art, which had already been finished.

We went with a very different final page design, which was Hugh’s choice. I think it was the right one. The insert panels added a bunch of stuff we didn’t need in the new layout. The city under attack and the dialogue pretty much gave you the gist.

You’ll notice I’ve redacted the draft version AND my embarrassing pen name I was thinking about going under. This is because I saved & converted my script pages before I realized my mistake. It was easier to just black it out in photoshop when combining the 2 pages. You may see some other minor redactions on any scripts going forward. My reasons for this may or may not be apparent. Trust that nothing vital to you understanding the page has been obscured.

This page was originally dialogue-free. Some notes we kept getting in earlier drafts was that nobody really understood who Max was, or what he was running from. Our solution, of course, was to give cryptic exposition that revealed more about Max’s character than it did about his biography or backstory.

-Chronicler

 

Looking back at this page there was a lot of imagery that I really liked and wanted to incorporate, but didn’t add anything to the story. The one eye’s teddy-bear, the ominous drones, and the low angle of the ship where all cool ideas that set the tone but ended up being to much complexity for a setting that lasts only one page.

The one key element that stayed was the shadowy presence creeping in from the top of the page. I wanted to capture the feeling of something huge and terrifying closing in from above and oppressing the city below. It was basically my Star Destroyer shot and to be honest I don’t think I was able to capture that feeling as clearly as I would have liked.

– Cartographer